"i earned these tears!" lyrics

I haven't left my bed in days
I've been calling my teddy bear your name
Under mountains of tissues, and a few takeout menus
Find my pillows all mascara stained
Can't I read our old messages in peace?
Hit the bottom of a pint of ice cream?
Without friends always knocking, as if I'll be unlocking
My door and rejoining society

Please, don't pity, my pity party

I earned these tears
I fought for years
Only to lose
To lick my wounds
So let me cry
Stay home tonight
Don't want to heal
I earned these tears

I'm not getting better, don't wanna get better
I'm n-n-not getting better, don't wanna get better

If I scream at the sky asking "Why me?"
Pick apart every argument, maybe
Listenin' back to your voicemails in meticulous detail
Will lead me to some sort of clarity
How am I expected to just move on?
Had our wedding bands picked out and now what?
Dust the heels off and dress up, go and kiss someone random?
There's something about that that feels so wrong

Leave your pity, I'll leave the party

I earned these tears
I fought for years
Only to lose
To lick my wounds
So let me cry
Stay home tonight
Don't want to heal
I earned these tears

I should strike up a bonfire, pour the gasoline
Over birthday cards, clippings from bride magazines
Rip your shirt from my body that I've slept in most nights
Let it burn with the plane tickets, concert stubs, wine
From the very first bottle, from the very first date
When you worshiped the spark, but couldn't nurture the flame
I deserve to disintegrate us like you did
But I can't bring the match to our photobooth strip
I'm not ready
Let me mourn, just let me

I earned these tears
I fought for years
Only to lose
To lick my wounds
So let me cry
Stay home tonight
Don't wanna heal
I earned these tears

Why me? Why me?
Why did it have to be, have to be
Why me? Why me?
Why did it have to be, have to be