"HATE JONES - poem" lyrics

If I was you, I'd hate me too
Hate the way I traded love for selfish thrills
I left you piecing together the glass of every broken promise
I became the reason you stopped trusting
The shadow you searched for in every room
And the regrets you carried every day from trusting me
I kept cheating. I admit it
Moments stolen in dim rooms
Whispers shared with other women when they should've been shared with you
And I hid it all
Every trace, every message erased
Like pressing delete could clean my hands
Every glance that wasn't meant for you
Every laugh, every name I forgot to mention
I made you feel small while I played big
Pretending that I could have it all
And still keep you waiting
Yes, I lie to you again and again
Until it was second nature, until the truth was just an echo
I buried beneath all the noise of my own excuses
I know I turned love into a game
I placed you in a race you never agreed to run
You were never in competition, but I made it feel that way
As if love was a prize you had to earn
As if I was worth the hurt and the hope
Two years of breaking every promise while you held on
Waiting for something real
Two years of half-truth and hollow words
You wanted honesty and I gave you theater
I played the role of someone good while slipping further to someone I can't defend

Now I'm left with the pieces of my own making
The story of why I was never enough
Why I was always falling short
And I don't blame you for the anger, the bitterness
Because if I could step outside myself and see me the way you do
Hell, maybe y'all would hate me too