"Spank" lyrics

I don't remember the first time
But I think I survived
Probably better not to try to recall 'cause it feeds it, yeah it keeps it alive

There are specific things
That I have to do
Day to day just to keep it at bay
You wouldn't believe if you knew

Oh no, this isn't real
Oh no, this isn't real

Here's a little secret
Here's the best part
This is going to take me
Right back to the start
If I can't hear it
If it's out of mind
Wait until it settles
Comes 'round a second time

I don't remember the first time
But I think I survived
Probably better not to try to recall 'cause it feeds it, yeah it keeps it alive

Oh no...

Yeah

This isn't real...

Here's a little secret
Here's the best part
This is going to take me
Right back to the start
If I can't hear it
If it's out of mind
Wait until it settles
Comes 'round a second time

I can feel it loom
Up into my head
It is in the room
Panicking in bed
I feel it coming on
Taking over view
Oh please not tonight
There's nothing I can do

This is bigger than me
This is in my fear
This is pitiful
I just disappear
Swells up all around me
Swallowed up inside
Sell my senses if
It would make this subside

I can barely handle
I can pass the time
Staring through the curtains
Up into the sky
Where there is no
Depth perception
Keep preoccupied:
Self deception
Nobody recognizes
It doesn't have a name
My brother is infected; he's acting just the same
Screaming like a siren, up and down the hall
He just wants to stop it
He wants to end it all

I am just a child
I have nothing more
Than the basic function I am running from
I curl up and wallow
My distortion
Everything is disproportion

Suddenly I wake
All is back again
Everything is closer
Morning is the same
And I can't hear it
It's way out of mind
I will just forget this 'til the next time