"Zombie Handjob" lyrics

[Danny:]
Folks, as you know, Ninja Brian and I love to support up and coming artists. Well, we've really found someone special, and we're excited to present his debut song. Please welcome... Whackula, the Masturbating Vampire.

[Whackula:]
Thank you Danny! Today I'm going to sing my new hit Halloween single "Zombie Handjob". It's based on, shall we say... personal experience! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Danny:]
Oh my god!

[Whackula:]
I was walking through the graveyard when I tripped and fell
And I heard some rumblings from the depths of hell
A hand shot up through the stones and the sticks
But it wasn't looking for brains, it was looking for dicks!

It was a Zombie Handjob
A decomposing hand stroking my wood
It was a Zombie Handjob (It was a Zombie Handjob)
And it felt scary good

I heard some chains go clink and clank
As I lay there enjoying my eerie wank
I was now surrounded by a spooky throng
Of the stroking undead that were thirsty for schlong

It was a Zombie Handjob
The spirits rubbed out a gruesome wad
It was a Zombie Handjob (It was a Zombie Handjob)
And they were pumpkin my rod

Oh, looks like it's time for me to play my organ solo. And also this instrument!

Oh yes, mmmmm, oh that's nice, blblblblblb

I gave thanks to the ghouls for their impressive dexterity
As I watched them shuffle off in my post-nut clarity
'Twas a sight most bizarre, most unearthly, most sick
The parade of the damned that had drained my whole dick

Oh look, the moon's coming out! Speaking of coming

It was a Zombie Handjob (It was a Zombie Handjob)
A weiner massage that had me moaning with fear
It was a Zombie Handjob (It was a Zombie Handjob)
And I, Count Whackula, will see you next year!

Fappy Halloween! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Danny:]
Jesus Christ!