"Paying For It" lyrics

I was just a little kid
There was a hornet's nest in my fridge
The man would come home:
One hornet, two hornets, blacked out
The man was gone

But I know when he was just a boy
Every good road was destroyed
Empty-table Thanksgiving
Dad gone, mom gone, no heroes
City-jungle living

It didn't matter what I did
An engineer can always build a bridge
But the man was drowning
Bottle bottle, can can
A bottle can make him disappear while he thinks he's home

Now I'm paying for it
But I'm so thankful for it
All I ever wanted to be was grateful, strong, and perfect
All I ever wanted for was no one to have to worry about me
Now I'm paying for it
But I'm so thankful for it
Oh, I'm so grateful now to never have to be perfect
In the dandelion in front of me
Awaiting is serenity

I learned a hell of a lot from my dad:
Make a fist, spit some lies, squeeze your cash
Now I've been sitting in the mud
Cracked temple, crumbled down
Somehow I gotta learn how to love

Ma', you taught me a hell of a lot too
I would have never sang if it wasn't for you
I guess in the end it was all worth it
Understanding
Mom and Dad are my angels and they did they best they could

Now I'm paying for it
But I'm so thankful for it
All I ever wanted to be was grateful, strong, and perfect
All I ever wanted for was no one to have to worry about me
Now I'm paying for it
But I'm so thankful for it
Oh, I'm so grateful now to never have to be perfect
In the dandelion in front of me
Awaiting is serenity

Now, all around me is a whole other scene
The subtleties of the sun and the breeze
I gotta get the hell out the way and surrender to joy
Surrender to peace
It's already here
Let it do its thing
Surrender to joy
Surrender to peace
It's already here
Let it do its thing

I've got a pond in my soul
And it wants to reflect the moon's glow
If I can let it shine, if I can quit making waves
Let her sing her song
Sing her song