"Choctaw Bingo" lyrics

Strap them kids in
Give 'em a lil' bit of vodka
In a Cherry Coke
We're goin' to Oklahoma
To the family reunion
For the first time in years
It's up at Uncle Slatons
'Cause he's gettin' on in years
No longer travels but he's
Still pretty spry
He's not much on talkin'
And he's too mean to die
And they'll be comin' down
From Kansas and from west Arkansas
It'll be one big ol' party
Like you've never saw

Uncle Slaton's got his Texan pride
Back in the thickets with his Asian bride
He's got an Airstream trailer and a
Holstein cow
Still makes whiskey 'cause he still knows how
He plays that Choctaw bingo every Friday night
You know he had to leave Texas but he, he won't say why
He owns a quarter section up by Lake Ufalla
Caught a great big ol' bluecat on a driftin' jugline
Sells his hardwood timber to the chippin' mill
Cooks that crystal meth 'cause his shine don't sell
He cooks that crystal meth 'cause his shine don't sell
You know he likes that money, he don't mind the smell

My cousin Roscoe, Slaton's oldest boy
From his second marriage up in Illinois
He's raised in East St Louis by his
Mamma's people where they do things different
Thought he'd just come on down
He's goin' to Dallas, Texas in a semi truck
Caught from that big McDonalds
You know the one that's built up on that
Big old bridge across the Will Rogers turnpike
Took the big cabin exit stopped and bought a carton of cigarettes
At that Indian smoke shop with the big neon smoke rings
In the Cherokee nation hit Muskogee late that night
Somebody ran the stoplight at the Shawnee bypass
Roscoe tried to miss him but he didn't quite

Bob and Mae come up from
Some little town way down by
Lake Texoma where he coaches football
They were two-A champions now for two years running
But he says they won't be this year
No they won't be this year
And he stopped off in Tuska at that pop knife and gun place
Bought a SKS rifle and a couple full cases of that steel core ammo
With the Berdan primers from some east bloc nation
That no longer needs em'
And a desert eagle that's one great big old pistol
I mean fifty caliber made by bad-ass Hebrews
And some surplus tracers for that old BAR
Of Slaton's as soon as it gets dark
We're gonna have us a time
We're gonna have us a time

Ruth-Anne and Lynn come down from Baxter springs
That's one hell-raisin town way up in
Southeastern Kansas
Got a biker bar next to the lingerie store
That's got rolling stones lips up there in
Bright pink neon
And they're right downtown where everyone can see 'em
And they burn all night
You know they burn all night
They burn all night
They burn all night

Ruth-Anne and Lynn they wear them cut off britches
And them skinny little halters
And they're second cousins to me
Man I don't care I wanna get between 'em
With a great big ol' hard-on
Like a old Bois d'Arc fence post
You could hang a pipe rail gate from
Do some sister-twistin'
'Till the cows come home
You know we'll have us a time
We're gonna have us a time

Uncle Slaton's got his Texan pride
Back in the thickets with his Asian bride
He cut that corner pasture into acre lots
He sells them owner financed strictly to them
That's got no kind of credit
'Cause he knows they're slackers
And they'll miss that payment
And he, he takes it back
He plays that Choctaw bingo
Every Friday night
He drinks his Johnny Walker
At that club 69

We're gonna strap them kids in
Give 'em a lil' bit of Benadryl
In a Cherry Coke
We're goin' to Oklahoma
Gonna have us a time
Gonna have us a time