"Reappear" lyrics

I wrote this album tryna work through all the shit that happened
A lot of it written in the same room my Mama passed in
Around one in the morning they brought the body bag in
But I still feel her spirit in the same place she had been
A lot of friends that I thought would, barely tapped in
It kinda closed my heart off. It's hard to let 'em back in
I try to set aside my pride and slay the dragon
But it's hard to look at you in the face and act like it ain't happen
I really only like a few songs on this album
All these feelings still inside me wanna go in-depth about them
At the same time, one of them anything records might hit the chart
It might be a hit, but that shit don't hit me in the heart
Put the candy in the medicine, tryna be smart
But sometimes it be hard, commodifying the art
Being transparent ain't a walk in the park
But it'll help somebody else when they walk through the dark
They wore a mask, scared of what Corona do
I wore a mask to try cover up what I was going through
Every single day waking up feeling horrible
Thoughts in my head be just as loud as the Oracle when Klay score
What happened to all the healing that my mama prayed for?
I thought you would fix things, It got me feeling strange Lord
Tell me what we were supposed to gain from all this pain Lord
The tears feel like rain pourin', I dropped to the baseboard
Thirty years with you, at least I had that
In studio sessions having flashbacks
Tryna process you not being here and then Dad passed
Within three months
Shit happened so fast, it was hard to keep up
It seems like just yesterday, we was inside that Nissan truck hitting the speed bumps
You tried to teach me about carburetors and heat pumps
But I was too busy on fruity loops whipping beats up to get my hands greased up
Now I'm living up everything that we dreamed of
The thing about grief is it don't have a warning
It comes as random as birds chirping in the morning
To be honest I'm not looking forward to performing
If it's finna come with the same feelings I had recording
I ain't really need too much, I just need ears
Laying down my verses in the dark so they don see the tears
I could feel my energy is off even with my people here
I just think I'm actually depressed, I wasn't being weird
Tryna let it all out in hopes that I'll be free and clear
But what I went through last year, I'm probably gon' need a year
I'd rather be in motion, than to be In fear
Wishing somehow all these verses would make you reappear