"Narrator" lyrics

You're walking in the woods
There's no one around and your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him
He's following you about thirty feet back
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint
He's gaining on you
You're looking for your car, but you're all turned around
He's almost upon you now and you can see there's blood on his face
My God, there's blood everywhere

Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him
But you're hopelessly lost yourself
Stranded with a murderer
You creep silently through the underbrush
Aha, in the distance
A small cottage with a light on
Hope
You move stealthily toward it
But your leg, ah, it's caught in a bear trap

You limp into the dark woods
Blood oozing from your stump leg
You've beaten Shia LaBeouf

His head topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You're finally safe from Shia LaBeouf