"Hey Mom (Where's Dad)" lyrics

Hey Mom, What's doin'?
Dad's been gone for quite some time
Something happened to him?
Last I knew, he went to the store
But it never took Dad this long before
Maybe there's traffic
Dad always says guys get infront of him
Like a laid back faggot
That's it yeah
Daddy's just not back yet
Dad's great, oh he's running late

Must be Rush Hour
Cars are backed up
Cause Jackie Chan is chasing after
Some Asian fucker
While Chris Tucker is screaming
"And you know dis man!"
I hope Dad hurries back here
Mom, isn't it about time for you
To shave of Dad's backhair
It's getting pretty late
I hope Dad's ok
How long does it take
To buy a pack of Rogain?

Hey Mom...
Where's Dad, why did daddy leave us
I want Dad back even if he beats us
Without Dad who's gonna feed us?
I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza
(Hey Mom...)
Where's Dad, where did Daddy go?
I'm sick of SpaghettiOs
I could sure use Dad right now
When is he coming home?

Jesus, Mom!
Dad's taking a while
Y'think he got caught up
In the porno isle?
I bet he rubbed one out
And got caught on camera
I don't wanna pack up
And move in with grandma
Maybe Dad got pulled over speedin'
Bet they Rodney King'd him
Pulled him out and beat him
That Dad sure doesn't like
Obeying the law
Remember when dinner was late
And Daddy busted your jaw?
Here he comes, Mom
I bet he'll walk in just any minute
I bet he brought you some chocolate
And me some dinner
He'll walk in any second, you ready?
I bet he's racing on home
Like a fucking Andretti

Okay Mom
Now I'm starting to get nervous
Why's he takin' so long?
Is he doing it on purpose?
Is he trying to surprise me?
Is he buying me a' "Icy"?
It's like a Slurpee, but not as pricey
Where's Daddy?
He really should be home already
Where's Dad, Mom?
Is he buying you a tampon?
This is longer than it takes
To go to the store
Does Daddy like us anymore?

Hey Mom...
Where's Dad, why did daddy leave us
I want Dad back even if he beats us
Without Dad who's gonna feed us?
I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza
(Hey Mom...)
Where's Dad, where did Daddy go?
I'm sick of SpaghettiOs
I could sure use Dad right now
When is he coming home?

Who's gonna
Coach my "Little League Game"?
Who'll buy me clothes at TJ?
Who's gonna buy my first BJ
From some Belgian whore?
Who's gonna
Teach me to get girls numbers?
Who'll buy me a pack of rubbers?
Who's gonna catch me jacking off
To transvestite Asian porn?

Hey Mom...
Where's Dad, why did Daddy leave us
I want Dad back even if he beats us
Without Dad who's gonna feed us?
I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza
(Hey Mom...)
Where's Dad, where did daddy go?
I'm sick of SpaghettiOs
I could sure use Dad right now
When is he coming home?

Hey Mom...
Where's Dad, why did daddy leave us
I want Dad back even if he beats us
Without Dad who's gonna feed us?
I'm sick of cup ramen and frozen Pizza
(Hey Mom...)
Where's Dad, where did Daddy go?
I'm sick of SpaghettiOs
I could sure use Dad right now
When is he coming home?

Hello there, Son
Dad you're home!
Yes, sorry I'm late
There was a sale at Walmart
So I bought a little bit of everything
Well, that's great
I love you, Dad!
I love you, Son
Hey, where's Mom?
She
She went to the store son
She went to the store
Aww shucks