"TOO MANY TIMES" lyrics
Imagine your self worth is so low
That you don't feel useful without being used
A stranger to healthy you smile in selfies but it
Don't feel real unless you're abused
All of your homies are teasing you like it's a love bite
But it's just a regular bruise
Programmed to think you deserve it so you don't reverse
It and keep on repeating the loop
It's generational trauma
My DNA's been poisoned
I don't blame my father or mama
They tried to make the right choices
Now I'm breathing in marijuana
Going over life choices sweating like
I stepped in a sauna I keep hearing all of
These voices like
You're never worth it
On the surface
Always calm beneath I'm nervous
Work my ass off
I deserve this but never feel like
I deserve it my hair stand on my epidermis
I'm flipping out cuz my life a circus
I tried to fix it but nothings working its worthless
I asked for love too many times
And was told to shut up too many times
Feeling down on my luck too many times
People didn't give a fuck too many times
Been terrified of touch too many times
Guess I wasn't hugged enough too many times
Look at myself in disgust too many times
And I couldn't readjust too many times
I look in the mirror and I see a shell
It's like an old friend that I used to know well
Although I'm not sure I was ever my friend
Cuz I never tried finding or loving myself
It's more like a stranger that's stuck in a cell
Whose voice didn't matter whenever he yelled
Nobody's coming to save him it gave him a chip
On his shoulder he never got help
Succeeded all on my own
So in crowds I feel I'm alone
No matter how many decorations I put up I can't
Make any houses feel like their a home
Telling my therapist my brain it broke
He tell me it's healthy the way that I cope
But that doesn't give any answers or any solutions
Of why there's a knot in my throat
I never get close
Maybe it's my fault that I'm always keeping a distance
I mean for instance to half of my friends I feel like an assistant
Talking to me when they need me to do something for em
It's never consistent, good riddance I've watched life grant all my
Enemies wishes
One too many times
Watched doors get shut too many times
Got thrown into the dust too many times
Had my confidence crushed too many times
Bad feeling in my gut too many times
Had nothing as a crutch too many times
Lovers turned to lust to many times
And I couldn't readjust too many times
So no shit that I'm different
I used to hide in the high of barbiturates
Phantom limbs I gave an arm and a leg to have
Everyone beg and then egg me to give em more ligaments
Just to be played like an instrument
Somewhere in me is a child who's innocence
Got stripped away from the cognitive dissonance
Now I'm in LA I made it I'm self made but nobody's
Texting or calling or visiting
They used to laugh at me now I just laugh at me too
Thought I would win to get back at em but now the more that I'm winning the more that I lose
I honestly have everything I've ever wanted and I'm out of every excuse
Not to be happy but I'm not happy so I lay awake every night all confused what happened
That you don't feel useful without being used
A stranger to healthy you smile in selfies but it
Don't feel real unless you're abused
All of your homies are teasing you like it's a love bite
But it's just a regular bruise
Programmed to think you deserve it so you don't reverse
It and keep on repeating the loop
It's generational trauma
My DNA's been poisoned
I don't blame my father or mama
They tried to make the right choices
Now I'm breathing in marijuana
Going over life choices sweating like
I stepped in a sauna I keep hearing all of
These voices like
You're never worth it
On the surface
Always calm beneath I'm nervous
Work my ass off
I deserve this but never feel like
I deserve it my hair stand on my epidermis
I'm flipping out cuz my life a circus
I tried to fix it but nothings working its worthless
I asked for love too many times
And was told to shut up too many times
Feeling down on my luck too many times
People didn't give a fuck too many times
Been terrified of touch too many times
Guess I wasn't hugged enough too many times
Look at myself in disgust too many times
And I couldn't readjust too many times
I look in the mirror and I see a shell
It's like an old friend that I used to know well
Although I'm not sure I was ever my friend
Cuz I never tried finding or loving myself
It's more like a stranger that's stuck in a cell
Whose voice didn't matter whenever he yelled
Nobody's coming to save him it gave him a chip
On his shoulder he never got help
Succeeded all on my own
So in crowds I feel I'm alone
No matter how many decorations I put up I can't
Make any houses feel like their a home
Telling my therapist my brain it broke
He tell me it's healthy the way that I cope
But that doesn't give any answers or any solutions
Of why there's a knot in my throat
I never get close
Maybe it's my fault that I'm always keeping a distance
I mean for instance to half of my friends I feel like an assistant
Talking to me when they need me to do something for em
It's never consistent, good riddance I've watched life grant all my
Enemies wishes
One too many times
Watched doors get shut too many times
Got thrown into the dust too many times
Had my confidence crushed too many times
Bad feeling in my gut too many times
Had nothing as a crutch too many times
Lovers turned to lust to many times
And I couldn't readjust too many times
So no shit that I'm different
I used to hide in the high of barbiturates
Phantom limbs I gave an arm and a leg to have
Everyone beg and then egg me to give em more ligaments
Just to be played like an instrument
Somewhere in me is a child who's innocence
Got stripped away from the cognitive dissonance
Now I'm in LA I made it I'm self made but nobody's
Texting or calling or visiting
They used to laugh at me now I just laugh at me too
Thought I would win to get back at em but now the more that I'm winning the more that I lose
I honestly have everything I've ever wanted and I'm out of every excuse
Not to be happy but I'm not happy so I lay awake every night all confused what happened
