"Goin To Hell" lyrics

In search of salvation I stayed up all night
Praying my heart out just to buy me some time
John was a preacher 'till he lost his mind
Traded the book for the bottle
Holy water for wine
And I feel like him sometimes
Too scared to open up my eyes
The way his daughter cried

Never learned to love, just what to fear
God is real, he's just not hearing me so well
You sold the truth to twist the knife
Deep in my chest I got this holy ghost that haunts me still
So I say farewell
As far as I can tell
Guess I'm going to hell

Empty and shaking at the altar call
I was nine-years-old, my body fell to the floor
My mom held the burning of her bittering
Never learned to survive so she just learned to pretend
Oh but she won't be the last
Too scared to open up the past
I feel like her sometimes

Never learned to love, just what to fear
God is real, he's just not hearing me so well
You sold the truth to twist the knife
Deep in my chest I got this holy ghost that haunts me still
So I say farewell
As far as I can tell
I guess I'm going to hell