"I Am The Funniest Person On Earth" lyrics

I am the funniest person on earth
So I've been told a hundred times
And I'm the prettiest girl in the universe
You aren't hearing it from me first
It's been passed down for so long
It transcends time

I am the wittiest human today
I've heard it all a million times
And oh, God I'm brilliant or so they say
You'll watch them ride, I've paved the way
For being broken, dating douchebags till I die

In his house most likely bleeding out on his couch
They'll try it all to ditch the stain, but it won't come out
Would you love me if I cut my hair and cross-stitched up my mouth
It's a joke
I am known for being the funniest girl around

I am the funniest person on earth
It's made the news at least four times
'Cause everything's a God damn joke when I get hurt
I'd break my bones to make you laugh at me
I'd kill myself to be just what you like

In your house most likely skin-to-skin on your couch
Make my point, slap face and be the talk of the town
Will you love me if I change my name and pardon how she sounds
It's a joke
I am known for being the funniest
I'm known for being the funniest
I am just so goddamn funny
Look, the whole world's laughing with me
I am known for being the funniest girl around