"If You Ever See Me Talking To A Sailor" lyrics

When the wind's from the eastern quarter
And there's a pungent taste of salt upon the breeze
And something's troubled your insides
Like a scum upon the tides
Or something washed up on the beach down by the quays

Intuition's what a girl in love relies on
I should have known he only wanted to be free
I drew my line upon the sand
Only a fool would ever stand
Between a man and his involvement with the sea

And when the tide rolls out, you'll find your bed is empty and he's gone

So if you ever see me talking to a sailor
Some scurvy no good mongrel of a tar
Knock the drink out of my hand
Push me over where I stand
Take a slug at me but somewhere I won't scar
Pin my body to the ground
And slap my face to bring me 'round
Then you can roll my silly arse out of this bar

For a sailor's not a man to be trusted
He'll bill and coo, call you his chick-a-dee

But when he's had his way
All you'll get is his "good day"
Then he'll blow a kiss and scuttle back to see

And when the tide rolls out, you'll find your bed is empty and he's gone

If you ever see me talking to a sailor
And I blithely stand there passing time o'day
Don't you hesitate to think
Someone's tampered with your drink
And he's shaken out your handbag
In the time it takes to blink
And all the booze you ever bought him
He's just thrown up in the sink
Just call the funny farm to carry me away

For a sailor's not a man to be trusted
He's treacherous as tides and hidden reefs
Just to get you up the stairs
He'll quote the bible in his prayers
Then before you know he's bound for Tenerife

And when the tide rolls out, you'll find the house is empty and he's gone
And when the tide rolls out, you'll find your heart is empty and he's gone

And when you become a woman of a certain age
You'll find it's difficult to trust a man, it's difficult to gauge
When the bilge rat who left you without a living wage
Thinks there's still that tawdry glamour of the sea
That I swear to God's completely lost on me

So if you ever see me talking to a sailor
Some mangy sea dog skulking on the quay
Just remind me what I've said or you can shoot me in the head
And then throw my bleeding body in the sea

Ooh
You'll find your bed is empty and he's—
Gone