"Limp Dick Blues" lyrics

Some slap and tickle
'Cause if you don't, another dick'll

I'm a fellow who likes to drink and smoke
I'm not politically correct and I like to joke
She called me 'Oliver' because I drunk up 'all of her' booze
And after that we had nothing to lose
But my hammer just left me screwed

It used to once hang down to the top of my shoes
But now all I've got are these limp dick blues
It used to be my friend breaking all of the rules
But now all I've got are these limp dick blues
These limp dick blues

Some slap and tickle
'Cause if you don't, another dick'll

I knew Napoleon when his hair was nappy
We only called him 'Leon' to make his mama happy
She told me that she was an 'Aztec Queen'
And I'm an 'ass technician' if you know what I mean
I'm Pinocchio, not a Finocchio

It used to once hang down to the top of my shoes
But now all I've got are these limp dick blues
It used to be my friend breaking all of the rules
But now all I've got are these limp dick blues
These limp dick blues

Some slap & tickle
'Cause if you don't, another dick'll

It used to once hang down to the top of my shoes
But now all I've got are these limp dick blues

Mona Lisa, please make me a pizza
You bust my balls and now I miss the beaver
I'm a 'Wally' now with a willy on a blue pill
But I think I need a bigger one still

It used to once hang down to the top of my shoes
But now all I've got are these limp dick blues
I worked the stereotype until I got it right
But now all I've got are these limp dick blues
These limp dick blues

Some slap and tickle
'Cause if you don't, another dick'll
Just slap it up and wrap it up just like a pickle
And fantasize to make it rise, it's fickle