"The Captain's Table" lyrics

'Said I was there when they picked him up
And beat him on the Captain's table
I was there when they slapped him up
And made sure that he was disabled

He played with the band
And they sucked since they left land
Yada yada yada yada ya
I was relieved it wasn't me

I was there when they picked him up
And fed him with a knuckle sandwich
I was there when they wrapped him up
And treated him like extra baggage

They made him walk the plank
More sharks there than in the bank
Yada yada yada yada ya
I was relieved, he was a thief

'Said I was there when they turned him into
Entertainment for the pirates
His mouth slipped and he said things
That made the Captain very irate

His tongue, it got him hung
Just because of a song he sung
Yada yada yada yada ya
As you can see, it wasn't pretty

I was there when they made him wear a dress
And then they called him 'Sally'
They put lipstick on his lips and
Made him wait for John McNally

A crew member who
Likes his women in BIG shoes
Yada yada yada yada ya
You can believe he was a freak

I was there when they
Redirected his ideas about his living
Grabbed him, jabbed him, dragged him, stabbed him
Like a turkey at Thanksgiving

I saved him with my blade
And stole the water from his grave
Yada yada yada yada ya
I was relieved it wasn't me

'Said I was there when they picked him up
And beat him on the Captain's table
I was there when they picked him up
And beat him on the Captain's table