"The Pensive Disarray" lyrics

I seek to find
All the things that I have found
All the times that I have lost so

I seek to yield
To the pressures of today
To the pensive disarray

But I'm still folding
Holding onto what I've got

I seek to bring
All the gifts of inner core
To the ones that I adore so

I can surround
Myself with the ones I love
With the ones I trust and I'm still holding
Holding onto what I've got

I take the pressure now
I take the silent sour
I keep believing
I hold the reason
I hold the answer how
Will I know why right now
I hold the reason
I am deceiving

I breathe the
I feel the
And I wonder I ponder I can't escape from me again

Like the silent abode
In the tears I will glow
It's illusion I crave
It's the feeling I savour and the
Subatomic niveau
Into pieces I go
Judging all that I see
In the absence of glee and you always say

I know the answer now and feel
I know what you have said is real and I am suffering again
Taking all the pain

I hold the answer
How will I know why right now?
What is the reason for this pensive disarray?