"Lifetime Achievement Award" lyrics

Would you put a little trophy case in the box when I die
I wanna have my gold records, by my cold rotting side
If there's a heaven they'll know when I arrive
I was something when I was alive

Accolade after accolade I really wanna win 'em all
You can feel the notoriety
When you're walkin' through my freakin' hall
The most decorated man you'd ever saw
I got one blank space left on my wall
For the most prestigious of them all

I was blind
I never knew what I was missin'
My life
Is full of shit I shoulda done but didn't
They lied
When they said I would be gittin'
That lifetime achievement award

Second hand to the minute hand to the hour hand to the day
And fills full of calendars gettin' ready to biodegrade
Before I can relocate to San Tropez
I need one more for my resume
Just to prove it ain't all been a waste

I was blind
I never knew what I was missin'
My life
Is full of shit I shoulda done but didn't
They lied
When they said I would be gittin'
That lifetime achievement award

I was so young I ain't know I was wrong
Wrong about many things
You can put all of it on someone's lawn
Sell it sell everything
Any thing
Every thing
I own

Would you put a little trophy case in the box when I die
I wanna have a bunch of laminates, by my cold rotting side
And if there's a heaven they'll know when I arrive
I was distinguished and dignified
I was unlike all those other guys
I was miserable then one day died

I was blind
I never knew what I was missin'
My life
Is full of shit I shoulda done but didn't
They lied
When they said I would be gittin'
That lifetime achievement award

Oh, that lifetime achievement award
Oh, that lifetime achievement award
Oh that life, life