"Humanhood" lyrics

Maybe if I go down to the water
Maybe I can get back into my body
It's a hot day, shitty
There's weeds in the breakers
There's kids throwing tantrums and circling teenagers

I was changing in the bushes
Strip the clothes from my thighs
Crouching for a second
Bare my skin to the sky
Sweating, hidden
In the cottonwood and vines

My mind glitching, kinda
Thinking dark thoughts lately
And maybe
I should admit to somebody
It's been feeling cut off lately
Thinking, was I a person?

All I ever knew was I
Every morning
That I wake up in two eyes
I walked down the beach
Squinting in the light
Across the dirty sand, exposed

Carrying this humanhood
I went carrying this humanhood
I've been carrying this humanhood
Tryna make good on it

You always tell me
I would walk without grace
Something awkward
In how I brush the hair from my face
It could be better
If I'd just listen, if I'd change
I slip into the cold shock of waves and dive under

Roll, and look up from under
Blurred light
Blue, white, blue, white
Ripples that smash
Shore into sky
Shore into sky
Weightless for a second, I swim
Just breathing

I've been carrying this humanhood
I'm carefully carrying this humanhood
Ungracefully carrying this body
That's tired from carrying a mind

This citizenship in this personal life, I guess
This citizenship in this history, in this moment in time
This fragile life
One of a generation that might end this world I guess
Nobody tells you how to bear this

Was I really as you say?
Untruthful, untrustworthy
You tell me
Or always falling out of my body when I'm afraid
Always afraid
Can't seem to stay
Bear the weight of it, I guess

Carrying this humanhood
It looked like a burden
Carrying this humanhood
For lack of decision, too mangled a living
Carrying this humanhood
Too entangled a vision

Sacred though
Precious, oh