"if you only knew" lyrics

I've been trying so hard to survive
Sometimes I think that I wanna die
I feel so fucking guilty cuz god I'm so lucky
To live my life
So I keep all the pain to myself
Losing faith but nobody can tell
Mom, I don't want you worried cuz that would just hurt me
So I pretend I'm fine

If you only knew
What my mind is telling me I should do
That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight
I'm too sad to cry, it's true
If you only knew
All the shit my brain is putting me through
You'd come running over straight to my room here tonight
I'm sorry but I need you
If you only knew

I wish I was somebody else
I'm constantly overwhelmed
Now I'm falling again getting drunk with some friends
It's a silent cry for help

I wanna get better, I want you to know
That I can't do this on my own

If you only knew
What my mind is telling me I should do
That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight
I'm too sad to cry, it's true
If you only knew
All the shit my brain is putting me through
You'd come running over straight to my room here tonight
I'm sorry but I need you

Take me out of this hell
Oh, somebody help
Take me out of this hell
Oh, I'm not myself

I wanna tell you
What my mind is telling me I should do
That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight
I'm too sad to cry but I want to
Oh, if you only knew