"The Fullness Of My Being" lyrics

How many years have I spent at the loom
Decades weaving, all my time consumed
My head swam with melodies, perfume
Obsessing over what they'd etch on my tomb
The sleepless nights staring at the moon
Green smoke crawling out my mouth in plumes
Left trapped in the edges of my gloom
Dreaming states and the vanities of youth
I am the other, the lowest
Impostor syndrome, always forced to prove
I am a lover, a poet
Grander ego gave me more to lose

I should have known
After all this time in grief
I was so close to serenity
And I should have felt
While struggling for peace
I was only ever fighting, torturing me

My own worst enemy
Laying traps [?]
All the time spent scheming
I couldn't hear my soul scream
I made a fantasy my heart's cage
The only way to follow is blindly

My eyes are open
Found my true loyalty
My eyes are open
I made a nightmare of my dream

I was so close to serenity
I was only ever fighting me

I should have known
After all this time in grief
I was so close to serenity
And I should have felt
While struggling for peace
I was only ever fighting, torturing me

Now that I've stopped to rest
I've gained clarity
My perception widening
All the frustrations that I felt
Clinging so tightly to identity
Was in dissonance of thought
A war between action and belief
A house can't serve two masters
For years I chose so carelessly
The work became an idol
I offered praise up tirelessly
Once I cast it from me
My suffering spirit found harmony
As I forsake my false sense of self
I embrace the fullness of my being
The fullness of my being
Fullness of my being
The fullness of my being

I should have known
After all this time in grief
I was so close to serenity
And I should have felt
While struggling for peace
I was only ever fighting, torturing me