"Uncle Walter (Shelved First Attempt)" lyrics

Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
'Bout everything he's seen and done
The voice of fifty years experience
He's drunk, watching the television

You know he's been around the world
Last night he flew to Baghdad in his magical armchair
With cigarettes and a six pack, yeah, he just got back
The spit's flying everywhere

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
Oh, you're back so late
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
He drove his chair in the cavalcade
He's flown from South Africa to countries where
They beat themselves on the backs with chains

There was fleet of battleships
And one reclining chair
Headed north on the Arabian sea
Now he's back to tell us what he, and his oldest boy, Blair
They're getting rich with their mail order scheme

Oh, oh
Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
Oh, you're back, so long
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
How could you leave me here with Uncle Walter?

Your Uncle Walter told me everything he'd do if he was President
Now what a perfect world this world would be
If he was President now
But he's not

He sees the children smoking pot
He knows that in a moment they'll be shooting up heroin
Teardrops in his armchair
A fifty minute lecture
Tobacco juice rolling down his chin

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
Why are you back so late?
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
How could you leave me here so long with Uncle Walter?