"a selfish holiday gift" lyrics

How many times did I say I wanted true love?
When you read me stories and held me to your breast, yeah
And how many times did I ask I wanted to stay up? (Wanted to stay up)
But my daddy told me I should go to bed, yeah

And they left me there
Wide awake so excited
I crept downstairs
And heard something break in the room
Oh and then my dad left the room

And I said mommy, please don't cry (Don't cry)
Oh, I'll stay up with you all night (All night)
We'll eat the cookies off the mantle by the lights (By the lights)
And she said baby it's alright (Alright)
Just look around it's warm and bright (And bright)
But I still felt so cold upon that winter night
I was five

Oh, I was 5, oh
Oh, I was 5
Oh, I was 5, oh

And that star on the tree
That I cannot reach
Is looming weighted over me
And the presents beneath
Don't mean shit to me
If I can't have my family
On this Christmas eve
I can't let you leave
I need you to stay, here with me
But these little hands
No, they can't grasp
Anything

So I said mommy, please don't cry
Oh, I'll stay up with you all night (All night)
We'll eat the cookies off the mantle by the lights (By the lights)
And she said baby it's alright (Alright)
Just look around it's warm and bright (And bright)
But I still felt so cold upon that winter night
I was five

And they left me there
They left me there, oh yeah

So on the 25th tonight
I'll just wash my .45
And pull the only thing that I can hold tonight
And I wrote mommy please don't cry
Just know I loved you all my life
There's just so much shit I feel at 25
So this is goodbye