"Disassociate" lyrics

You said that you would be here by my side and I believed it
Told you if you leave that I'll be fine, like I don't need it
Built a life without you then you left it all in pieces
Now it's getting hard to do the normal things like sleep and eat
And even though I got a heart
It's barely beating in my chest
Never trade it for a moment back before we even met
And tell myself with what I'm knowin' now
I should've never let you be a crutch for all the trauma manufactured in my head
And I'm back home now but I been gone for three weeks
I don't even talk to the ones I like
Got a voice in my head just a bit too high
Tellin' me you'll never get shit right
It's like if the pressure gettin' too much to take
I disassociate
Lookin' at the actions I make is just a roller blade
Tryna be a person you want but I can't hold away
Karma smiled right at my face and let you hold the blade

And you pulled me under
I can feel you in me
Do you ever wonder if I drowned?
Lookin' in the storm but there's not enough to find
Yeah I broke a heart, does it hurt when you die?
Hard to move ahead when you're stuck in your eyes
Keep on looking beyond, beyond, beyond
But everybody's gone and there's nothin' left to say
You could be the last in my line of mistakes
Tell me if we did what we said we would change
What would life be like, be like, be like, be like, be like?
What would life be like?
What would life be like?
What would like be like?

You said that you would be here by my side and I believed it
Told you if you leave then I'll be fine, like I don't need ya
Try to prove it right but you just left me all in pieces
Now it's gettin' hard to do the normal shit like even breathin'
Even though I got a heart
It's barely beatin' in my chest
I don't think you even gave a chance to see my best
When you don't know yourself
You find it's normal feelin' less
And that's a narrative you built to find the comfort in the stess
What I hope to be
Therapist and friends tryna open me
Look at me unhappy, like it's something that I chose to be
Counted on a fairytale story that they sold to me
Took me finally being alone to say
That I can't count on anyone that I love and you act proud
That's the way that you know, in the background
And I trust you again, I'mma back down
Left a hole in my chest, yeah

And you pulled me under
I can feel you in me
Do you ever wonder if I drowned?
Lookin' in the storm but there's not enough to find
Yeah I broke a heart, does it hurt when you die?
Hard to move ahead when you're stuck in your eyes
Keep on looking beyond, beyond, beyond
But everybody's gone and there's nothin' left to say
You could be the last in my line of mistakes
Tell me if we did what we said we would change
What would life be like, be like, be like, be like, be like?

What would life be like?
What would life be like?
What would life be like?