"i had my fun/back to the start" lyrics

I had my fun 'til my fun turned in
To humiliation and a suicide scare
I try to lead with love but I hurt everyone
That gets close enough to show me that they care
I cry alone in my room or out back
With my finger down my throat expelling shame I can't bear
Every day I say I'm done 'til I see that setting sun
But tonight I'm gonna fight white knuckle

I lost my passion and my looks
My stomach's turning like a brook
I told my best friend I wanted to buy a gun
I don't know how I wound up here
Feels like I lost so many years
Spend all my time saying sorry to everyone

I don't know how I wound up here
The smallest thing brings me to tears
And once they're gone I am completely numb
I don't know how I wound up here
I resent the insight of life experience
All these lessons only bring me harm
All these battles only leave me scarred
Oh how I long to go back to the start

Oh how I long to go back to the start