"i'm numb to everything that isn't pain" lyrics

Jump in the lake in a splinter of sunshine
Red war paint on my face distorts my mind
Burn myself smokin' on a Lucky Strike
Crash into the rocks betrayed by the tide

I live like this steady on a [?] diet
Sold myself to the dealer for a fix
Pile of wood waiting for the hatchet's split
Is this god in and out of punishment

Is this god or am I the culprit
Exiled without a bullet in the barrel
My mind rewinds I see myself as a child
I'm numb to everything that isn't pain it drives me wild

I have to be alone to pretend that nothings changed
I drink myself to sleep in the middle of the day
I wake up in a graveyard regularly
I wake up in a graveyard