"black or white" lyrics

I used to think I was invincible
Start liking a guy, then ghost him, not even cry
The thought of love was always minuscule
Having a boyfriend, I just never got the hype

So why can't I feel anything?
He likes me more, oh, what a shame
But then he ripped off my poker face
I fell in love, now I know why I ran away

'Cause I'm either black or white, I'm freezing or on fire
Either I need you or I'm fine
I'm either black or white, that's why I'm terrified
'Cause when I'm in love, it takes over my life

I lay the deal breakers down every time
Say I lose feelings if the guy stops trying
But I only say that to incentivize
Him into not making me cry

So why can't I feel anything?
He likes me more, I better keep it that way
'Cause when he rips off my poker face
I don't know how to run away

'Cause I'm either black or white, I'm freezing or on fire
Either I need you or I'm fine
I'm either black or white, that's why I'm terrified
'Cause when I'm in love, it takes over my life

Why do I only know extremes?
I don't know how to find the in-between
Why can't I desire something I don't need?