"Weird Cousin" lyrics

He showed up on a motorcycle
Late on Christmas Eve
Says his name is Leon
But last year it was Steve

You don't know if he has a job
And you don't care to ask
He spends the evening in the corner
Sipping from a flask

He's your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
Who's so fricking weird
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
He can't grow a beard
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
Everybody has a weird cousin
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
And you can't help but love him

He shows up on a moped
His hair is soaking wet
He needs to borrow money
'Cause he lost his in a horseracing bet

He smells like gasoline
Mixed with the county fair
Spends the evening trying to sell
The family Tupperware

He's your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
He's so fricking strange
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
Think he might have mange
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
Everybody has a weird cousin
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
And you can't help but love him

Conspiracy theory time

The moon landing, it wasn't real, they staged it in L.A.
He believes the FBI is really the CIA
The president's a lizard and so are all the royals
We should all wear pointy hats made of aluminum foil

He's your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
He's so fricking odd
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
How are you even related?
How are we related?
Your weird cousin
Your weird cousin
If you don't have a weird cousin
I'm sorry it's true but look around the room
The weird cousin is you