"The In Between" lyrics

I'm in over my head
At the point where I'm starting to dread your calls
And I know what comes next
The part where I convince you that you're better off
Won't respond, shrug you off, look away
I'm pulling back as you fall for me
Raise my guard, put my heart in a cage
Locking you out, but I don't wanna be

Oh, this habit, I should fix it
I always mess things up I admit it
I'm not the girl that you think you want and
You'd hate me too, if I was ever honest
I got used to the secrecy
It's safer in the in between
I liked it till you wanted me
I'm safer in the in between

Madi says I'm just stressed
And my head's too clouded to be smart right now
So if I had to guess
By spring I'll realize she was right and hate myself
Sabotage something good out of fear
I know you'll show up in painful dreams
Want you back once you're no longer here
Born with a talent to ruin things

Oh, this habit, I should fix it
I always mess things up I admit it
I'm not the girl that you think you want and
You'd hate me too if I was ever honest
I got used to the secrecy
It's safer in the in between
I liked it till you wanted me
I'm safer in the in between

I'm so selfish, punish myself with
The soul crushing knowledge, I willingly lost it
Know I'll regret it and die just a little
It's what I do best, sitting right in the middle

Oh, this habit, I should fix it
I always mess things up I admit it
I'm not the girl that you think you want and
You'd hate me too if, I was ever honest
Oh, this habit, I should fix it
I always mess things up I admit it
I'm not the girl that you think you want and
You'd hate me too, if I was ever honest

I got used to the secrecy
Was thrown off by your honesty
You're not ashamed in wanting me
I can't trust what I've never seen
My nervous heart is taunting me
I'm slowly starting to believe
It's cold and dark and lonely
I hate it in the in between