"after" lyrics

Yeah
After, after, where am I running to after?
Feel like my life goin' backwards
Swimmin' through miserable patterns
After, after, nothing to see but disaster
Wanderin', searching for answers
(I never been in this chapter)

Feel useless, food in the fridge still rotten
Bought nothin' last time I went shoppin'
I don't see ghosts, but your chair still rockin'
Not good at art, but I started
With a garden and large white house like you wanted, with arches
Keep me distracted, don't wanna kick the bad habits
I thought I had a heart attack, but I can manage
I don't wanna see myself in the mirror
Past two years of beatin' me up
Drop my drink, no time for cheers
Shave my head and get cleaned up
I don't wanna see myself in the mirror
No more tears from the boy I was
Leave this swamp, see the coast all clear
Maybe this time my life won't suck

Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh
Where am I running to after?
Feel like my life goin' backwards
Swimmin' through miserable patterns
After, after, keep askin' God for the answer
Sleep by myself in a camper
I'm still alive and beating

So what else matters?
I'm leaving tomorrow
I don't know where I'm gonna go, but I'll find somewhere
Bright and early
Got my drink from McDonald's or somethin'
There's- There's just nothing here that- that interests me anymore
I don't know, I'm excited