"Hello Sir" lyrics

Hello, sir. Remember me?
I'm the man you thought I'd never be
The boy who you reduced to tears
Lad called 'Thingy' for six whole years

Yes, that's right. My name's Bob
The one who landed the pop star's job
The one you told, "Look don't touch."
The kid who wouldn't amount to much

Well, I'm here and you're still there
With your fake sports car and receding hair
Dodgy Farah trousers that you think are smart
Married to the woman that teaches art

Married to the life, married to the school
"I wanna sing and dance, sir." Now, who's the fool?
Sing and dance, you thought I was barmy
"Settle down, Thingy, join the army."

And who are you to tell me this?
The dream I want I'll have to miss
Sir is God. He's been given the right
To structure lives overnight

Now I know life's true path
Tanks and guns: that'll be a laugh
No, not me. Mega civilian
I won't lead my life riding pillion

But thanks for the advice and I'm sure it'll do
For the negative dickheads just like you
As for now I've a different weapon
Stage and screen is about to beckon

And here I sit in first class
Bollocks, sir. Kiss my ass