"Perfectionist" lyrics

I'm a recovering perfectionist, a self-destructive specialist
My 32nd session with my therapist is evidence
That I can't see I've made it, I'm like Dee Brown, wow
I gotta couple chapters, I'm ashamed to read out loud
I'm workin' on it, tho I'm tryna be more patient with myself
I robbed myself of so much joy, I'm making payments to myself
I'm still in debt tho
Need to take my coat off, settle in, ignore the dress code
I know that the hardest step is walking past my threshold
I'm in my Depeche Mode
Tryna just enjoy the silence, it's so hard to let go
Once I do I'm free
I know it's me vs me
I know it's not your job to reaffirm what I believe
I'm working on becoming the person I clearly need
So I don't look for what I lack in someone else, I see
That I'm still in the in-between
But finally I voluntarily been takin' care of me
Was rarely there for me, my inner child's scared of me
I punished him unfairly
We need more solidarity
I don't care bout the people who base skills off popularity
When I can close my eyes and see myself then I'll have clarity
I love the women who are in my life, specially Sara Lee
This industry's primarily fake, you can deny it
But you silent publicly but showin' love to me in private
All my wounds have told a story
All the laughs and money hide 'em
It's a shame the only language people speak sometimes is violence
But I don't got pity for people that play themselves
The bed they says uncomfortable's the same bed that they made themselves
I'm showin' love they hate themselves
You cannot give them anything they haven't already gave themselves
You cannot save somebody if they simply don't wanna save themselves
I shoulda known what time it was
The stab in the back don't hurt it's when you turn and see who's knife it was
I'm just tryna find the love
Looking everywhere but within
A white rapper is a fraction of the air that I'm in
An outsider from the jump, it took a minute to hit me
Why would I try to fit in with an industry that don't fit me
This is simply testimonial
Slowly pull back the layers
And get down to who I am because my fear is a container of my greatness, I hate this
Wait this is just a test of patience
The pain from all my mistakes is just something I need more grace with
My bruises became my muses
My pain had multiple uses
Went from fuck y'all to forget y'all
From middle fingers to deuces