"Heal" lyrics

I was just a kid
Didn't think I had to deal with pain like this
And make my wish
I made it bit seem like my only choice
Waiting on the tracks for the train to hit

I was in a dark place
Tears felt natural sitting on my face
Felt like quiting, a disgrace, a coward
I didn't even have the guts to man up and finish my last race

But death is no finish line
Just an ending that didn't involve spending time
To put my mind back together, I would never be better
So, through the tears I smiled and said I was fine

But fuck that kind of life
Pretending I'm okay when my head is full of knives
Avoiding everything 'cause I'm trying to survive
You don't know what it's like to be living with his mind
That is stuck inside my skull

It's ready to crack
Recreating this pain 'cause it's bringing me back
I'm the same scared child who was begging for his life
'Cause it's such a scary feeling, when you know you're gonna die

There's no emotion in his eyes
Obsession for humanity there's nothing in his eyes
I'm feeling this insanity there's nothing in my eyes
I'm losing my humanity
I don't care if I feel like, I've got nothing left inside

Half the time I'm hollow when I don't care
The other time I swallow, well, it's not fair
Sometimes it feels like, I'm Apollo when I'm up there
No time left to live and I'm not scared

But I am scared, yeah, I am scared
I don't wanna talk about it 'cause I can't share
I can speak my emotions or I'm not wishing to
End up writing songs I can't listen to

It's not about what happened, but what it did to me
It wouldn't leave, I wouldn't go nice without a wink of sleep
I brought a fucking sensor maybe it would leave me be
You're just another coping mechanism that I didn't see

Thought I could cope on my own, but that's a lie
I don't want to admit that I can't survive
Count to five, calm down, wait until I feel a snap
I'm just clinging on to the hope that I never had

Wish I could break out, wish I could start to feel
Wish I could leave now, wish I could start to heal
Wish I could start to heal, wish I could start to mend
Wish I could start the feel that it all come to an end

Wish I could start to heal, wish I could start to live
Wish I could start to feel and I can just be done with this