"Drowning" lyrics

I wish I can numb this pain
I thought by now I won't complain
I got the cash with half the fame
Lost half my heart and kept the veins
We had our spark and lost our flame
I tried to talk, had none to say
I want the love, you never gave
Was hurting me your only aim
You shot my heart, I bled out hate
Cuz tho you left, the trauma stayed
I wish the past, would go away
But I guess gotta live with it
Times changed, I don't feel different
Despite the hurdles in my life I kept my vision alive
I had no one on my side, yet I still did it
I'm missing the old me, talking pre-depression
Where I felt alive and I had a connection
Now I'm dead inside cuz I lost my direction
I don't put my wall down for my own protection
And I'm tired of people using me
People lie what do you believe
I know people see the truth in me
And I know one day you will see
That being true was a tool for me
I be sticking to myself,
I don't need nobody else
Just relief, from this trauma
That keeps on ruining me
Cuz lately Im loosing sleep
And nobody's getting thru to me
It's Cuz It

Feels like I'm losing sleep
I want my mind at ease
Feels like I'm losing me
I wanna find relief
Feels like I need to breath
I think I'm into deep, now
I'm drowning in my thoughts
Drowning, by myself I'm
Drowning, I need help I'm
Drowning, they can't tell I'm
Drowning, oh

I'm still here and still driven
People see me as a meal ticket
They get nothing, they can deal with it
I guess me and them were built different
I work for whatever I'm given
I been living inside of my room since I was fifteen
Making a bunch a songs hoping somebody gets me
I always felt alone and the feeling is sickening
When your expressing your pain and no one is listening
And life's hard to manage
I feel like I have a disadvantage
Since my childhood left me hella damaged
I don't know love because I never had it
Every relationship I'm in never lasted
Only toxic woman was all I attracted
I continuously fear having attachments
Honestly It was really hard getting past it
But
It is what it is you get what you give
I wish I learned quicker, look, I probably did
Just didn't accept it
Inside of my mind is where my demons roam
I try to hide cuz they won't leave me alone
I overthink all of my mistakes on my own
I don't know where to go, it's cuz it

Feels like I'm losing sleep
I want my mind at ease
Feels like I'm losing me
I wanna find relief
Feels like I need to breath
I think I'm into deep, now
I'm drowning in my thoughts
Drowning, by myself I'm
Drowning, I need help I'm
Drowning, they can't tell I'm
Drowning, oh