"Is Santa Dead?" lyrics
Ma'am, if Santa's dead
How come the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny don't just dress up like him and bring presents?
It sounds like a real fucking cop-out if you ask me
I just think you guys are lying
He went tooling in the nighty with that Santa Claus ride
So quit thinking up excuses just to try and save a dime
Or I'm chucking up the deuces
And it ain't no peace sign
Make this the last time
Sittin' by the Christmas tree
Big like a dinner ham
They said Santa Claus is history, don't believe it, not for a minute
Man, see Saint Nick is such a G with that red suit and that big bag
They try to kill him off every year
But like big balls, he bounce back
How 'bout that?
Back on the sleigh and away he goes
Even leaving a little coal just to let them hoes know
That Santa Claus's ever-living, Godlike
If you need religion
And know for sure that he's giving
And know what? That's how I'm feeling
Hold up, I hear footsteps on my ceiling
Excitement is feeling, he's here
Or someone's stealing
Then all of a sudden
I blacked out
Woke up as he dashed out
I seen him for a second
Though I think I was his last house
Tonight
On the news, rumor has it
Legendary Kris Kringle dead
We're gonna go now live with our correspondent in metropolitan Detroit to find out how one child's story changed the world
The children lie awake on Christmas night
Their parents really couldn't give them shit
So they told the kids that Santa died
And all the elves and deers buried him
How the fuck did this happen, though?
Children all know he's magical
And if he dies of a natural cause
Or was he mauled by some kind of animals?
Wonder if Mrs. Claus had a life insurance policy on that man
The shit that the woman's putting up with most of her life I will never understand
All I understand is there's no gifts
No bows, no gifts wrapped, no shit
All this being good for nothing
In the end, this is all the fuck that they get
Ain't this a bitch?
White Christmas, but I'm feeling blue
They told me that Santa's dead
And they don't give a me or you
I feel it, fool
I'm like a belly and he probably still alive
And he laughing at everybody believing that he died
Seems more like a test to see
How many kids that'll truly believe
That he's still alive
With plenty of presents
Around the tree just for you and me
I'm so excited to see if he's alive for real, though
Or is he back from the dead
And making zombies up at the fucking North Pole?
Ho ho ho ho ho
Oh, memory killed over again
Ho ho ho
Green apples, carrots, and
Jeffrey, mark down that the kids get double presents next year
Ho ho ho
God, oh, it's leaking down my leg
Help
Dasher, bring some goddamn toilet paper
Oh, God
Oh, fuck
How come the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny don't just dress up like him and bring presents?
It sounds like a real fucking cop-out if you ask me
I just think you guys are lying
He went tooling in the nighty with that Santa Claus ride
So quit thinking up excuses just to try and save a dime
Or I'm chucking up the deuces
And it ain't no peace sign
Make this the last time
Sittin' by the Christmas tree
Big like a dinner ham
They said Santa Claus is history, don't believe it, not for a minute
Man, see Saint Nick is such a G with that red suit and that big bag
They try to kill him off every year
But like big balls, he bounce back
How 'bout that?
Back on the sleigh and away he goes
Even leaving a little coal just to let them hoes know
That Santa Claus's ever-living, Godlike
If you need religion
And know for sure that he's giving
And know what? That's how I'm feeling
Hold up, I hear footsteps on my ceiling
Excitement is feeling, he's here
Or someone's stealing
Then all of a sudden
I blacked out
Woke up as he dashed out
I seen him for a second
Though I think I was his last house
Tonight
On the news, rumor has it
Legendary Kris Kringle dead
We're gonna go now live with our correspondent in metropolitan Detroit to find out how one child's story changed the world
The children lie awake on Christmas night
Their parents really couldn't give them shit
So they told the kids that Santa died
And all the elves and deers buried him
How the fuck did this happen, though?
Children all know he's magical
And if he dies of a natural cause
Or was he mauled by some kind of animals?
Wonder if Mrs. Claus had a life insurance policy on that man
The shit that the woman's putting up with most of her life I will never understand
All I understand is there's no gifts
No bows, no gifts wrapped, no shit
All this being good for nothing
In the end, this is all the fuck that they get
Ain't this a bitch?
White Christmas, but I'm feeling blue
They told me that Santa's dead
And they don't give a me or you
I feel it, fool
I'm like a belly and he probably still alive
And he laughing at everybody believing that he died
Seems more like a test to see
How many kids that'll truly believe
That he's still alive
With plenty of presents
Around the tree just for you and me
I'm so excited to see if he's alive for real, though
Or is he back from the dead
And making zombies up at the fucking North Pole?
Ho ho ho ho ho
Oh, memory killed over again
Ho ho ho
Green apples, carrots, and
Jeffrey, mark down that the kids get double presents next year
Ho ho ho
God, oh, it's leaking down my leg
Help
Dasher, bring some goddamn toilet paper
Oh, God
Oh, fuck
