"MUSCLE MEMORY" lyrics

It's like riding a bike
The way I see a flashing light
And cover my eyes
It takes me right back
To panic attacks and MRIs
Fight or flight
I start shutting down and don't know why

Cause my body she don't know the difference
Between what's real and what's nonexistent

I feel you in my
Muscle memory
Wanna leave it all behind
But you won't let me
It's always
Involuntary
I've tried to keep it buried
But I'm no good at forgetting
A muscle memory
A muscle memory

It's like driving back home
It's automatic how I manage to
Take you wherever I go
I thought that I'd outgrown you
But you're still in my veins somehow
Even though I'm better now
I did the work to come to terms
With you in my mind

But I still feel you in my
Muscle memory
Wanna leave it all behind
But you won't let me
It's always
Involuntary
I've tried to keep it buried
But I'm no good at forgetting
A muscle memory
A muscle memory

Like avoiding the street by my house
Like writing in cursive
Like leaving my medicine out
In case I get nervous
Like skipping my afternoon walk
Cause my bones remember it all
And somehow make it all my fault

That I still feel you in my
Muscle memory
Wanna leave it all behind
But you won't let me
It's always
Involuntary
I've tried to keep it buried
But I'm no good at forgetting
A muscle memory
A muscle memory