"Best Friends Song" lyrics

[Stephen:] Mark has been my best friend for many years now, and I wrote a song
[Mark:] About one
[Stephen:] ...that's a lot of months. I wrote a song to celebrate what I think is our greatest asset as friends, and that's our complete and utter differences. We're total opposites when it comes to almost everything
[Mark:] Completely
[Stephen:] So I wrote a song, and we're gonna sing it for you now
[Mark:] Gay. Not gay. Just one thing. It's this shirt, isn't it? Alright, I'm the gay one
[Stephen:] Thank you! I didn't wanna out you in front of everybody

[Mark:] I like my toast buttered
[Stephen:] And I like mine dry
[Mark:] I dig the Beatles
[Stephen:] I'm a 'Stones kinda guy
[Mark:] I have fine taste
[Stephen:] And I like things cheap
[Mark:] I wanna stay up all night
[Stephen:] I just wanna sleep... with your sister!

[Mark:] I'm sorry, what did you just say?
[Stephen:] What?
[Mark:] No, you just said something about you want to sleep with my

[Mark:] I like the sunshine
[Stephen:] And I wanna nail your sister
[Mark:] See there, you just said it again. I like Julia Roberts movies
[Stephen:] I just wanna fuck the shit out of your sister!
[Stephen:] Well Tyke, you would rule, if you'd say "It's cool"
[Mark:] What are you talking about? It's not cool!
[Stephen:] I'd go pick her up at her Jr. High School!
[Mark:] Woah! Hey! That Sister? No!
[Stephen:] Yeah! I wanna fuck your sister! I just wanna fuck in her fucking face and cum all over her hair and stick it in her eyeball and...
[Mark:] Hey! No! Oh My God! You can't skull fuck my sister!

[Mark:] Hey, hey, woah! Wait a minute!
[Stephen:] What?
[Mark:] Woah, goddamit!
[Stephen:] What?
[Mark:] You wanna fuck my sister?
[Stephen:] Yes
[Mark:] You wanna fuck my sister?
[Stephen:] Yes!
[Mark:] $26.50