"exactly how you wanted" lyrics

I pretend I don't care
While I'm screaming
"How dare you break my heart again"
I tell you to go to hell
Like I wouldn't follow you there

If you wanted me dead
I'd hold your hand while you picked up the knife
I've forgiven you over and over again
So what's one more night?

You risked your life to put me on a shelf
I poured my love out, now I hate myself
'Cause jumping and falling for you felt as free
As a suicide pact, only fulfilled by me

I want better for myself
But I will never ask
Because you love me most
And I don't even deserve that (I don't)

I pretend I don't care (so is selfishness)
While I'm screaming (just wanting more)
"How dare you (than I'm worth)
Break my heart again (and if I'm so damn selfish)"
Over and over again (why does loving you hurt)

And it all fell apart
It was catastrophic
A bomb always blows after its final tick
It was lovely and perfect til my world ended
Exactly how you wanted, wasn't it?
Exactly how you wanted, didn't it?