"god?" lyrics

I guess it kinda hurts sometimes
Even when I say I think I'm fine
It's all upon my shoulders
I'm only getting older
I'm losing all the faith I had
Which isn't much
But it's still sad

And I guess I kinda scare myself
When I realize how much I've changed
They'd think me pretty odd
Because I don't believe in god
But I'm learning how to pray
Anyway

But I do believe in something
I just don't know what it is
I can't put my finger on it
But I hope that it exists
So I lean into a faith
That I've never called my own
I look back and call it fate
Like there's some reason I don't know

Cause I'm searching for a sign
Something more divine
Sitting up at night
Praying cause it don't hurt to try
Praying cause I'm already high
If I keep going up and I'm fine
If somebody answers the door in the sky
My first question is gonna be
Why

There's a voice that I am hearing
There's a pounding in my head
Gotta search for greater purpose
So I'm one more step ahead
So I lean into a faith
That I've never called my own
I look back and call it fate like there's some reason I don't know

And I question my existence
And if things are meant to be
I block out all of the noise and all the faces that I see
Try to focus on the image
Of where I want to be
I'll figure out my future manifest my destiny

Searching for a sign
Something more divine
Sitting up at night
Praying cause it don't hurt to try
Praying cause I'm already high
If I keep going up and I'm fine
If somebody answers the door in the sky
My first question is gonna be

Why