"i'll try to pretend you're not the reason i existed" lyrics

Hope you're doing well
I've been exhausted, if you couldn't tell
"A Love" is "Alone" with a letter misspelled
I'm staring at pictures of us on the shelf
But what about now?
You're doing fine
You seem to be happier most of the time
To fall is to fail when you're dotting your "I"s
You are the gray, I'm the black and the white
So make up your mind

I need answers, you need distance
Unresolved and unforgiven
In your absence I went missing
I'll try to pretend you're not the reason
That I existed, you look different
Twice as happy, just as brilliant
I'm a zombie, barely living
With you in my head again, stuck reminiscing

So give me a sign
It's starting to seem like you knew you were right
To fall is my fault if I'm crossing a line
And I'll take the blame if it means you'll reply
I'm scared that you won't
And that didn't rhyme
Language is tricky when speaking your mind
Your tears lead to tears when pronouncing it right
Right down the middle, it split you and I
Am I still on your mind?

I need answers, you need distance
Unresolved and unforgiven
In your absence I went missing
I'll try to pretend you're not the reason
That I existed, you look different
Twice as happy, just as brilliant
I'm a zombie, barely living
With you in my head again, stuck reminiscing

You don't want me
I'm so lucky
I was ever yours

I need answers, you need distance (You don't want me)
Unresolved and unforgiven (I'm so lucky)
In your absence I went missing (I was ever yours)
I'll try to pretend you're not the reason (I'm ugly)
That I existed, you look different (You don't want me)
Twice as happy, just as brilliant (I'm so lucky)
I'm a zombie, barely living (I was ever yours)
With you in my head again, stuck reminiscing (I'm ugly)