"Old Man On Heroin" lyrics

Got a plan to start shooting heroin when I'm eighty-one
Take my retirement, cop a stash, start having fun
Figure that I got a couple years to enjoy it all
Sounds better than a cruise or a bingo game
Or waiting for my kids to call

And if I should break a hip
Who gives a shit?
Not me, I'm lit

On heroin
Old man on heroin

I meet the plug at Cracker Barrel every weekend
And I always get clean needles from my diabetic friend
Cook it in a spoon, add some Lipitor, then give a stir
And I don't need a vein
I'll inject it through my catheter

Doctor says blood pressure's high
You're gonna die
I know, that's why

I'm on heroin
Good, good medicine

When the grandchildren stop by
Peepaw will be flying high
Spent their inheritance last night
On some killer China White
Oh yeah

Now I'm back at the old folks home
In my comfy chair
I'm high as hell
Just pissed myself, but I don't care
They'll blame it on my age
When I'm nodding out and my nose runs
And if I get the shakes
They'll chalk it up to Parkinson's

When push finally comes to shove
I'll have died of
Doing what I love
That's heroin
Go out with a grin