"Salvador Dali" lyrics

Trembling under bathroom light
I look atop the shelf
A gleaming razor blade is all I see
I contemplate the question
Every man must ask himself:
What kind of mustache would look good on me?
Yeah, what kind of mustache would look good on me?

The chevron is a classic
That makes any face look great
The Fu Manchu says
"Hey, I'm loads of fun."
The Charlie Chaplin was the rage in 1928
But someone fucked it up for everyone
Yeah, someone fucked it up for everyone

The painter's brush is silky
Like the tassels on sweet corn
The Salvador Dali for when you're weird
The horseshoe goes together well
With leather and gay porn
And the Amish
Which is nothing plus a beard
Yeah, the Amish
Which is nothing plus a beard

The pencil-thin is one
That stylish ladies will enjoy
The walrus is for guys who drink a lot
If you have bad genes
Or are a young pubescent boy
The dirt 'stache is the only choice you got
Yeah, the dirt 'stache is the only choice you got

The lampshade is a mustache
That you only see on squares
The imperial is much too hipstery
How 'bout something thick and luscious
Like Ned Flanders wears?
That would be just okily-dokily
Yeah, that would be just okily-dokily