"Blame It On The Dice: A Liar's Bar Song" lyrics
(feat. Nathan Hall & Éloïse Desserprit)
Hey greenhorn, no need for a gigantic panic
Let's brush up on the rules and run over mechanics
We'll teach you the main bits and how you should use 'em
While breaching the basics, so try not to confuse 'em
Rule 1!
Roll the dice, keep 'em under your cup!
Rule 2!
Take a peek. Start to add 'em up...
Rule 3!
Place a bet on the faces in total
Rule 4!
You wanna wager on whichever is modal
Rule 5!
Raise the bet! Gamble ampler instances!
Rule 6!
Change the face, if you doubt their existences
Rule 7!
Call a bluff, if you think something stinks!
Rule 8!
If you're wrong, you'll be taking the drink
Take the heat off
And put your poker face on
You wanna play with the pros
You'll need a credible con
Odds are sixteen percent
For one face or another-
All that's odd here is you
Don't be irrational, brother
You throw around stats
Instead of throwing the dice
All your maths and your graphs-
Do you want some advice?
You've been running your mouth
And talking over your gut
You wanna make the right call?
Keep your mouth shut
Two 4s...
Three 3s...
Three 5s...
Four 4s...
Four 5s...
Five 4s...
Six 4s...
Seven 5s...
Eight 5s...
RIP Toar
He was honestly trying
I'd speak ill of the dead
But he's kinda still dying
The bull's bit the bullet
But you're both in my sights
I'm debatably bait
But be careful - I bite!
My feminine weapon's
Disruptive distractions
You read all the books
While I read your reactions
Uh, your read is all wrong
If you think I'm unable, babe
To hoodwink you blind
And drink you under the table
I'm inside your head
And right under your nose
I play pretty dirty
For a wolf in sheep's clothes...
You're betting I'm bluffing
That I've nothing but to see
Well, ya'll should call an ambulance
But babe, not for me!
Three 3s!
Four 4s...
Four 5s...
Five 3s...
Let's liven the game up
With a bit of a twist
It's more fun taking shots
With the risk you could miss
Two bottles of poison
Plus a pair that are potable
Beware if you err
Because the difference is notable
It's icing on the cake
Now that Cupcake's on ice!
She tried to make a big play
And go played by the dice
Why, she was drop-dead gorgeous
'Till she simply dropped dead
It's easy betting on black
Until you're seeing the red
One 4...
Two 4s!
Three 4s...
Five 4s!
Six 4s...
Seven 4s!
Eight 4s...
Nine 4s!
Ten 4s...
Eleven 4s!
Twelve 4s...?
Thirteen 4s!
You're feinting to win
Or you're fading to black
You gotta roll with the punches
Or be stabbed in the back
It ain't Sin City
But there's certainly sin
And the ones playing dumb
Are the smart bet to win
You can lie to my face
But I'll see what's beneath
Then you'll be lying in a pine box
For lying through your teeth
My rivals' survival's
An outcome I encumber
I'm not new to the noose
But I'm numb to the numbers
Two 3s...
Three 4s!
Four 3s...
Five 4s!
Six 3s...
Six 4s!
Seven 4s...
I could call it a draw
But I don't think I will
There's still so much to drink
And some blood left to spill
It would even the odds
To say the odds are on even
Even so, we both know
The odds are low you'll be leaving
See, you couldn't tell a fraction
From a freaking factorial!
Come back and come at me
Once you've mastered the tutorial
So blame it on the dice
Or the way that they land
But, buddy, blood is the price
That the house now demands
One 2!
Two 2s!
Three 2s...
Three 3s!
Three 5s...
Four 5s!
Five 5s...
Six 5s!
Seven 5s...
Eight 5s!
Let's brush up on the rules and run over mechanics
We'll teach you the main bits and how you should use 'em
While breaching the basics, so try not to confuse 'em
Rule 1!
Roll the dice, keep 'em under your cup!
Rule 2!
Take a peek. Start to add 'em up...
Rule 3!
Place a bet on the faces in total
Rule 4!
You wanna wager on whichever is modal
Rule 5!
Raise the bet! Gamble ampler instances!
Rule 6!
Change the face, if you doubt their existences
Rule 7!
Call a bluff, if you think something stinks!
Rule 8!
If you're wrong, you'll be taking the drink
Take the heat off
And put your poker face on
You wanna play with the pros
You'll need a credible con
Odds are sixteen percent
For one face or another-
All that's odd here is you
Don't be irrational, brother
You throw around stats
Instead of throwing the dice
All your maths and your graphs-
Do you want some advice?
You've been running your mouth
And talking over your gut
You wanna make the right call?
Keep your mouth shut
Two 4s...
Three 3s...
Three 5s...
Four 4s...
Four 5s...
Five 4s...
Six 4s...
Seven 5s...
Eight 5s...
RIP Toar
He was honestly trying
I'd speak ill of the dead
But he's kinda still dying
The bull's bit the bullet
But you're both in my sights
I'm debatably bait
But be careful - I bite!
My feminine weapon's
Disruptive distractions
You read all the books
While I read your reactions
Uh, your read is all wrong
If you think I'm unable, babe
To hoodwink you blind
And drink you under the table
I'm inside your head
And right under your nose
I play pretty dirty
For a wolf in sheep's clothes...
You're betting I'm bluffing
That I've nothing but to see
Well, ya'll should call an ambulance
But babe, not for me!
Three 3s!
Four 4s...
Four 5s...
Five 3s...
Let's liven the game up
With a bit of a twist
It's more fun taking shots
With the risk you could miss
Two bottles of poison
Plus a pair that are potable
Beware if you err
Because the difference is notable
It's icing on the cake
Now that Cupcake's on ice!
She tried to make a big play
And go played by the dice
Why, she was drop-dead gorgeous
'Till she simply dropped dead
It's easy betting on black
Until you're seeing the red
One 4...
Two 4s!
Three 4s...
Five 4s!
Six 4s...
Seven 4s!
Eight 4s...
Nine 4s!
Ten 4s...
Eleven 4s!
Twelve 4s...?
Thirteen 4s!
You're feinting to win
Or you're fading to black
You gotta roll with the punches
Or be stabbed in the back
It ain't Sin City
But there's certainly sin
And the ones playing dumb
Are the smart bet to win
You can lie to my face
But I'll see what's beneath
Then you'll be lying in a pine box
For lying through your teeth
My rivals' survival's
An outcome I encumber
I'm not new to the noose
But I'm numb to the numbers
Two 3s...
Three 4s!
Four 3s...
Five 4s!
Six 3s...
Six 4s!
Seven 4s...
I could call it a draw
But I don't think I will
There's still so much to drink
And some blood left to spill
It would even the odds
To say the odds are on even
Even so, we both know
The odds are low you'll be leaving
See, you couldn't tell a fraction
From a freaking factorial!
Come back and come at me
Once you've mastered the tutorial
So blame it on the dice
Or the way that they land
But, buddy, blood is the price
That the house now demands
One 2!
Two 2s!
Three 2s...
Three 3s!
Three 5s...
Four 5s!
Five 5s...
Six 5s!
Seven 5s...
Eight 5s!
