"Trombone Champ: The Musical Menace" lyrics

There was a thundering toot last Tuesday afternoon
It wasn't long before a couple more arranged a tune!

We stepped outside and finally found
The guy behind that awful sound:

A dumpy one-man-band, with horn in hand
Just airing his toots around!

We told the Trombone Champ the cops were coming soon
But it was all for naught, for he had brought his pet baboon!

With every note that trombone played
And every toot and turd it made

I felt a big, fat drop of rain
On my parade

Every time we'd eat
The trombone would play a prelude or suite

Every quiet game came to blows!
"UNO!"

Each time I felt sick
The monkey was quick to play me a lick

I don't want no treble
But I'm bassically convinced that he's completely addict-ed!

Music might be nice, but this was more than we could bear-
Before I go mad and tear out all my hair!

The trombone tried to softly lull me off to sleep...
But all those E's and G's disrupt my Z's while counting sheep...
I'd love to lay in bed and snooze
But I'm about to blow my fuse
And if I kill this pest and trombonist
I'll probably make the news

He doesn't sleep or eat; this creature never quits!
That pesky pit band pest keeps playing, and it's just the pits!

With every staff, he stirs up strife
While playing solos for my wife!

His every breath has somehow wrecked my perfect life!

Nothing's hard as doing your nails
While the Trombone Champ is practicing scales-

And those calls on Zoom while the trombone wails
Are just DROP-DEAD MADDENING!

I can't read cause my ears are bleeding-
I'm pleading for refrain! BUT

All we get's a new duet, and it's
Driving us completely insane!

And now it's been this way since Tuesday afternoon:
Trapped with the Trombone Champ in concert with his pet baboon...
No matter what we'd do or say
We couldn't make him go away!
He's made himself at home with his trombone
And now we know he's here to stay!