"Against The Kitchen Floor (The Bitter End NYC)" lyrics

I don't owe you my heart, and I don't owe you my body
But you should know that I'm sorry for being careless with you
Lord knows I owed you more than I'm pretty sure I ever could give anybody
But I can't pin down what normal people want from foreign objects
Bottom shelf erotic products like me

So, I could hold your hand but keep you at arm's length
Oh, hang me from a branch too high to climb and shake
Less rare than scarce, less diamond than rough
Unlikely to be more than just the coal you fail to crush

And I swear that I'm really trying
Get it together, Will, know and do better
It just don't come natural to me to think that you'd want me for me
I swear that I'm really trying
Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet

I still don't know who you are, I only know that I'm still lonely
That morbid sort where even company can't cure me
And the more you reassure, the less I trust
But still you gave me your heart, I only gave you my body
Honestly thought nobody'd want it, let alone notice it's gone
And so I left it home, but now, now, now, now

I keep a locket with a picture of the back of my head
Oh, monkey-wrench my side view mirrors, ghost my friends
I've lived more lives than enough, I haven't died quite as much
But I'm not a real person, just the shit you can't make up

And I swear that I'm really trying
I'm just as exposed if I take off my clothes
When we make the closest thing to love that I'm capable of
And I don't know why you would care, but I'm really trying
Oh, I'm sorry, I promise, I'm doing my best
I just haven't learned how to be human as you are yet

Did I really have any of that gravity? Maybe you're quicksand
Because I really couldn't tell how deep my footprints went
The vertex of my redemption arc, the searching of that virgin heart
I'm catatonic in your arms, crying, "How did I cause so much harm?"
Now I'm down pounding my head against the kitchen floor
Apologizing for my life and ever entering yours
Don't say "I'm sorry, but this can't go on," I know you've got scars of your own
But hide my knives before you go, I'll either live or die alone

And I swear that I will die trying
I'm still in the process, but I'm making progress
I promise I honestly wanna prove improvement's possible
I swear that I'm so fucking sorry
I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all
But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all