"The Service" lyrics
[Cliff:]
Good morning, good people, and welcome to the Welcome Center!
Y'all can call me Cliff sure as my wife calls me a pain in the keister!
Can I get a "good morning, Cliff"?
[Audience:]
Good morning Cliff!
[Cliff:]
A good morning to you too, thank y'all for comin' out this morning, let me tell y'all something, I have a fact to share with y'all, okay?
The American Heart Association has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that people who take more vacations have fewer heart attacks and that's a fact
And it's a sad fact to consider when you think about that fact that some people take no vacations at all
That's right, some people they spend their whole darn lives pushin' papers from cradle to grave without one single weekend at Waikiki to savor God's great green garden before kicking that big old bucket, but y'all know better now don't you?
Y'all know better because y'all are here, right?
You know, that home is where the heart is and travel brings family together
But how on earth could you go home to your family without goin' on vacation with them
Folks!
This ain't your daddy's timeshare!
Our points-rewards system is inflation-proof!
[Will Wood:]
So a hundred and twenty minutes in the so-called "Welcome Center" and Christina and I can take our coupons and hit the road, but first we have to endure this man in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very tight button down
Doing a rousing cross between a motivational speech about saying no to drugs and a TED Talk about the signs of grief
[Cliff:]
I remember my daughter's fifth birthday
I had to take my wife aside, look her in her beautiful eyes and break her heart and say
"Honey we won't be able to afford to go on vacation together this year"
Next thing I know, next thing I know, I'm sayin' goodbye as my daughter goes off to college
And I've got tears in my eyes
'Cause I realize we never went on vacation as a family together once
I had my first heart attack six weeks later...
Folks don't make the same mistake I did!
[Will Wood:]
Yeah this guy's just dog whistling to the seniors like
[Cliff:]
Tick tock old man!
Time comes for us all!
You really wanna die without owning a vacation in Aruba?
Now you folks I know you made a deal with your wives out in the parking lot this morning, didn't you?
You said
"Honey, no matter what they say, no matter what they do, come hell or high water, we are not buying anything"
I know you did! I know you did
Hell! We had to bribe some of you to even come here!
Will! Christina! Look alive I'm lookin' at you two!
It's true, we understand, we do
But we think you'll find-
In fact we know you will!
That if you really do go into this with an open mind
You'll realize this is a deal so good
That when you hear it, you're gonna have to change your pants
You can't afford not to buy...
Good morning, good people, and welcome to the Welcome Center!
Y'all can call me Cliff sure as my wife calls me a pain in the keister!
Can I get a "good morning, Cliff"?
[Audience:]
Good morning Cliff!
[Cliff:]
A good morning to you too, thank y'all for comin' out this morning, let me tell y'all something, I have a fact to share with y'all, okay?
The American Heart Association has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that people who take more vacations have fewer heart attacks and that's a fact
And it's a sad fact to consider when you think about that fact that some people take no vacations at all
That's right, some people they spend their whole darn lives pushin' papers from cradle to grave without one single weekend at Waikiki to savor God's great green garden before kicking that big old bucket, but y'all know better now don't you?
Y'all know better because y'all are here, right?
You know, that home is where the heart is and travel brings family together
But how on earth could you go home to your family without goin' on vacation with them
Folks!
This ain't your daddy's timeshare!
Our points-rewards system is inflation-proof!
[Will Wood:]
So a hundred and twenty minutes in the so-called "Welcome Center" and Christina and I can take our coupons and hit the road, but first we have to endure this man in a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very tight button down
Doing a rousing cross between a motivational speech about saying no to drugs and a TED Talk about the signs of grief
[Cliff:]
I remember my daughter's fifth birthday
I had to take my wife aside, look her in her beautiful eyes and break her heart and say
"Honey we won't be able to afford to go on vacation together this year"
Next thing I know, next thing I know, I'm sayin' goodbye as my daughter goes off to college
And I've got tears in my eyes
'Cause I realize we never went on vacation as a family together once
I had my first heart attack six weeks later...
Folks don't make the same mistake I did!
[Will Wood:]
Yeah this guy's just dog whistling to the seniors like
[Cliff:]
Tick tock old man!
Time comes for us all!
You really wanna die without owning a vacation in Aruba?
Now you folks I know you made a deal with your wives out in the parking lot this morning, didn't you?
You said
"Honey, no matter what they say, no matter what they do, come hell or high water, we are not buying anything"
I know you did! I know you did
Hell! We had to bribe some of you to even come here!
Will! Christina! Look alive I'm lookin' at you two!
It's true, we understand, we do
But we think you'll find-
In fact we know you will!
That if you really do go into this with an open mind
You'll realize this is a deal so good
That when you hear it, you're gonna have to change your pants
You can't afford not to buy...
