"A Man For Whom The World As He Understood It No Longer Existed" lyrics
[Spoken Word:]
We ended up stopping by this fudge shop that was attached to a wax museum, and an arcade, and a million other equally boring exciting things
And the man at the fudge counter was a frog of indeterminate age
Just hunched over an array of fudges like a pawn shop owner with few scruples, sweating into the rocky road
And we get to the front of the line and he looks at us...
[The Fudge Frog:]
"I got a joke for ya!"
[Will Wood:]
"No thanks."
[The Fudge Frog:]
"What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?"
[Will Wood:]
"No thanks. Just the fudge please, sir."
But he's holding the bag of fudge hostage for a response, and I suppose the takes the looks of horror on our face as some kind of green light because he proceeds, undaunted by our lack of-I'm gonna use the word here because it feels appropriate-consent
And he lays this banger of a punchline on us
And- now this is his punchline, not mine, okay?
I did not write this joke. I am not telling you this joke to make you laugh because I, myself, did not laugh.
It's not funny, it's not good, it's kind of uncomfortable, and frankly doesn't make very much sense
So please, once again, not my joke
But his punchline is - and once again this not my joke...
[The Fudge Frog:]
"Strap-on tools!"
[Will Wood:]
Okay, I guess you had to not be there
Okay, I'm not telling you a great joke I heard from a cool guy, I'm telling you what the fudge man told me outside the Ripley's Believe It Or Not!
And as if bombing his Rawdog Comedy set at the equivalent of a Chuck E. Cheese was his fetish, he fucking doubles down and...
[The Fudge Frog:]
"Why do Jews get circumcised?"
[Will Wood:]
I don't think we payed, I think we just left
I think that Christina's got short green hair, and looks kinda gay
And I, "ya-di-di-di-di-di"
I think he clocked us and we were hate-crimed by the fudge frog
And as we were walking away, I look back at him, and he had the most sad look on his face
Like he was crestfallen. Like the ground had disappeared beneath him.
This was a man for whom the world as he understood it no longer existed
And he was lost, and scared, and confused, and my God, clinging to whatever joy he could possibly find in his life as a fudge man-frog
Get up, drag himself to his feet, don his humiliating little paper hat, which might as well read "King of the Cucks" on it, and slouch his way over to the fudge stand. Armed with nothing to face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with but his great sense of humor.
"Hey, tell them the one about the lesbians, Ted!"
"Oh, okay, yeah, you got it guys! Hey everyone who wants some fudge, I've got a great joke for you-oh no..."
And then a, a bunch of fucking snooty Yankees show up and cancel him
And he goes to the polls
It's my fault
We ended up stopping by this fudge shop that was attached to a wax museum, and an arcade, and a million other equally boring exciting things
And the man at the fudge counter was a frog of indeterminate age
Just hunched over an array of fudges like a pawn shop owner with few scruples, sweating into the rocky road
And we get to the front of the line and he looks at us...
[The Fudge Frog:]
"I got a joke for ya!"
[Will Wood:]
"No thanks."
[The Fudge Frog:]
"What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?"
[Will Wood:]
"No thanks. Just the fudge please, sir."
But he's holding the bag of fudge hostage for a response, and I suppose the takes the looks of horror on our face as some kind of green light because he proceeds, undaunted by our lack of-I'm gonna use the word here because it feels appropriate-consent
And he lays this banger of a punchline on us
And- now this is his punchline, not mine, okay?
I did not write this joke. I am not telling you this joke to make you laugh because I, myself, did not laugh.
It's not funny, it's not good, it's kind of uncomfortable, and frankly doesn't make very much sense
So please, once again, not my joke
But his punchline is - and once again this not my joke...
[The Fudge Frog:]
"Strap-on tools!"
[Will Wood:]
Okay, I guess you had to not be there
Okay, I'm not telling you a great joke I heard from a cool guy, I'm telling you what the fudge man told me outside the Ripley's Believe It Or Not!
And as if bombing his Rawdog Comedy set at the equivalent of a Chuck E. Cheese was his fetish, he fucking doubles down and...
[The Fudge Frog:]
"Why do Jews get circumcised?"
[Will Wood:]
I don't think we payed, I think we just left
I think that Christina's got short green hair, and looks kinda gay
And I, "ya-di-di-di-di-di"
I think he clocked us and we were hate-crimed by the fudge frog
And as we were walking away, I look back at him, and he had the most sad look on his face
Like he was crestfallen. Like the ground had disappeared beneath him.
This was a man for whom the world as he understood it no longer existed
And he was lost, and scared, and confused, and my God, clinging to whatever joy he could possibly find in his life as a fudge man-frog
Get up, drag himself to his feet, don his humiliating little paper hat, which might as well read "King of the Cucks" on it, and slouch his way over to the fudge stand. Armed with nothing to face the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with but his great sense of humor.
"Hey, tell them the one about the lesbians, Ted!"
"Oh, okay, yeah, you got it guys! Hey everyone who wants some fudge, I've got a great joke for you-oh no..."
And then a, a bunch of fucking snooty Yankees show up and cancel him
And he goes to the polls
It's my fault
