"Revelations" lyrics

We had a long road ahead of us, and so we had to get hotel rooms over and over again which of course meant we had to keep sneaking Casper by the front desk like she's hard drugs or were a couple republican senators with a kid - sorry, no, fuck
I don't mean to offend anyone
You're welcome to imagine I said democrats

We also had to avoid the incredibly strong urge to repeatedly loudly proclaim, "This hotel has rats in it!"
"Five stars."
And, um
We also had to keep checking on Casper to keep redoing that bandage over, and over
And after what felt like years of driving we finally arrived
In mystical, magic, majestic
Branson, Missouri!
The flickering neon and swooping theater spotlights aparkling across the deep dark Ozark mountain sky like sequins on a rumpled dress in the dark
The romance!

It was daytime when we arrived so it was
The sun-bleached family-friendly hypnotist billboards being reclaimed by the flora as lead paint peels from abandoned trailers in the dust
Yeehaw

So we checked in to the resort, ready to receive our great deal on our King's Suite accommodations, and the room didn't have, like, a bed per se
More like a wall-mounted couch Bionicle that you have to -
I know that the phrase "couch Bionicle" and this pantomime say very little, um
But it's as close as I can get
It was like a steam-punk Murphy bed that -
Never sleep in something that can be aptly described as a contraption

And the walls were so thin that we could hear the neighbor next door who was not responding about the Book of Revelations
And I told Christina, I said
"Listen, babe. They can hear anything we say or do. We can hear anything they say or do. We should probably just introduce ourselves 'cause honestly this is practically a sleepover, we're probably going to have a four-way."
And so I knocked on the neighbors' door, and this very lovely couple answered
A man in a Hawaiian shirt, and a woman in a bathrobe holding a baby
And I could see past their shoulders that their room was a fucking palace
They had a back deck, and a whole kitchen, and a bed
And they revealed to us that they too were at the resort to attend the presentation, and just there to also take the coupons and go
Not because they weren't interested
But because they already had one

These two -
Three, uh - baby
These three had managed to build an entire lifestyle - nay, a happy family - around having somehow gamed the timeshare system
And I couldn't help but think to myself...